Happy Fourteenth



To the moon and back to me just as you promised by my side you continue to be. Happy birthday dear Roo, what would have been your fourteenth.   September 27, 2005 when you breathed your first breath of destiny.   To become my teacher, my running mate, and my guardian angel keeping watch over me.

As you have watched – and supported, I just completed race three. It’s fitting this one was called Moonbow, don’t you think?

You had sent me your sign days before my fifty-miler when you brought Owl to reassure me. And this time, Hawk was the symbol all would be well on this particular trail journey.

I know I’ve changed things somewhat in my running routine. Though occasionally I still have my repeating mantras, more often now I am persevering by what Nature wants to teach. You know I continue to learn because you first taught me to listen and to see. You planted the seed of trust in what Nature speaks.

“A river runs through it all” was Nature’s message race day. That no matter the jaggedness where we step, there is a steady flow and grace. The path may be a steep uphill or a slippery downhill slope. The path may be smooth, rocky, unfamiliar, uncertain, or like nothing we’ve known. Yet, when we take each step one at a time, we can trust there is a steady rhythm and flow to life.

Yes, there are rapids, strong currents, and dangerous points to maneuver now and then. Yet, the river continues to flow, offering a stillness and a serenity time and again. The river may rise in a torrential downpour. The river may almost be depleted and unseasonably low. Yet, the river knows when it is high, it will once again recede and restore to calm and peace. And when it is low, the river patiently waits for rain to once again refill its needs.

Dear Roo, though it still catches my heart that you aren’t physically by my side, there is a peace that has filled the cracks and crevices left from the day your soul took flight. I am able to talk about you without a lump in my throat filled with grief and tears. I think, like the river’s steady flow, I’ve learned to wholly trust you are always near.

You have been guiding me for five years now, in addition to the near nine years on Earth as you were teaching me. It’s not that I’ve doubted the truth you whispered before and every moment after that September 12th day. It’s that in the dance between sorrow and healing I have found a firm foundation of hope and faith. I have let go of paddling and testing I could stay afloat, learning to let come the affirmation you’ve always known. Death is not goodbye if we choose to see. It is always by my side to the moon and back you and me.

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