Hello Dear Readers,
Happy Spring!
A children’s song is running through my mind. The ants go marching two by two, hurrah! the ants go marching two by two, the little one stops to tie its shoe…
I’ve also heard it as the bears marching.
I think it’s fair to use any animal one wished to!
So many pairings taking place now. The sandhill cranes, geese, ducks, robins, blackbirds, swans, mourning doves. All the winged creatures mated, either returning to a familiar nesting place after their winter hiatus or deciding to create a new home in the bows or hollows of a tree or the marshes of a pond or lake.
I love hearing and observing the pairs singing their promise of new beginnings. I am writing to you, seeing the green grass being tucked under a blanket by the snowflakes falling through the sky while I see the pairs scoping out their surroundings. Ah, yes, the certainty that warm weather and new flourishing is about to bring the lawn mower and grass cutting! (smile)
May your March continue to move you from eager germination to joyful hatchings!
Namaste’
-Christine
The Creases Now Speak
Patricia
A few days after Patricia found Edward’s letter, Patricia had a dream.
The next morning when she woke up, she knew life was about to significantly change. She could feel the knowing energy moving through her body as she thought to herself life is about to become before and no longer the same. To Patricia this meant that loss would soon be asking them to let go.
In her dream, Stephanie entered. Her beautiful, independent, compassionate firstborn who entered this world delivering unfathomable joy and love and would leave this world teaching Patricia unimaginable sorrow. Patricia was seeking Stephanie’s council. Should she tell Edward about Josh and Kaylen? Should she try to contact Laura requesting her youngest daughter make amends with Edward?
Now that Patricia had read Edward’s letter he’d left for her before their wedding, she felt compelled to bring her family together so that the walls of misunderstanding and emotional pain could finally crumble and disintegrate. She wanted to spend as much time as she could – for her and Edward to spend as much time as they could – getting to know their granddaughter-in-law Kaylen. They had missed so many years with Laura. She didn’t want to lose any more time with her beautiful, strong-willed, fight for the underdog second born who entered this world delivering immeasurable happiness and love and left their lives teaching Patricia indescribable grief.
Stephanie took Patricia’s hands in hers and gently spoke, “they will come together soon because of you.”
As Patricia watched Stephanie walk away, Mary entered. Her dear queen of corporate board rooms sister who used to fiercely resist everything their mom did or said. A couple of weeks after Mary and Henry made the choice to end her chemo treatments, Patricia was helping Mary pack for a road trip her and Henry were taking.
Mary was pulling undergarments out of her dresser drawer when she stopped and picked up a framed photo of Patricia, Mary, and their mom. Patricia and Mary were seven and ten years old in the picture. It was a picture of them sitting on either side of their mom on a blanket on the beach. A picnic basket was to the left of Patricia.
Mary sat down on the bed staring at the picture and then looked up at Patricia and said, “we had a picnic that day. Mom made homemade chicken salad and brownies. Did you do this with your girls, too?”
Patricia smiled and nodded her head. “Yes, except I made peanut butter cookies instead of brownies. Stephanie and Laura liked cookies more.”
“I told Henry I want to go to the beach and have a picnic when we take our road trip. I think I’m going to try and make our sandwiches. No deli.”
Patricia laughed and jokingly told Mary “I can give you a recipe or two if you need them.”
“I wish it hadn’t taken dying for me to realize life isn’t about beating kings.”
Patricia sat down next to her sister taking Mary’s hand. “I’ve always been a little envious of how you could.”
“I always judged how you didn’t want to. Patricia, I don’t have many sandwich making days left.”
“I’ve learned it’s not about how many. It’s about the joy of the ones you do make.
In the dream, Mary held a framed picture out to Patricia. It was a family portrait. Patricia, Edward, Stephanie, Josh, and Laura. Mary and Henry were in it, too. Mary spoke. “Life tested us, but thanks to you, none of us ever stopped believing love can endure all things. As I lay in Henry’s arms dying, I felt nothing but joy for the handful of sandwiches he and I had made.”
As quickly as Mary appeared, she was gone and, in her dream, Patricia saw Edward sitting at his desk. He was unfolding a letter. She could only make out the beginning word “Dear.” Edward looked up at her and reached for her hand. “You have been, you are and will always be my everything. Thank you for loving me as I am.”
All the next day after the dream, Patricia tried not to think that something was about to happen to Edward. For a moment as she was about to turn the key in the ignition to drive to the grocery store, she debated staying home. Maybe it was her that something was about to happen to. Then she chastised herself for thinking silly thoughts, pulled out of the garage, and enjoyed gathering the ingredients into her shopping cart to make Edward’s favorite chocolate cake.
Three days later, Edward would be sitting at his desk when he heard something fall upstairs. He would call to Patricia asking if everything was alright. He would find her unconscious lying on their bedroom floor.
Patricia would wake up six times over the next two weeks before life became no longer the same for all of her loved ones when she took her last breath. It was as if her soul nudged her awake each time for the final letting go. Josh, Kaylen, Henry, her dear friend Maggie. Laura came home from the UK. And of course, Edward. All six said their goodbyes.
Patricia wasn’t able to speak. But she could hear, and she could understand. She could squeeze a hand with her right hand to acknowledge what was being spoken to her. She could cry.
As she closed her eyes for the final time, she briefly thought she was still in her dream. Stephanie was holding out her hand. Mary was standing next to a picnic basket.
And Edward was whispering “I will see you soon.”