Hi!

How are you?

How has June started to unfold for you? Or, like the bud on the Iris that hasn’t yet blossomed, maybe you are finding that only three days into June the opening hasn’t yet begun for all the month may bring.

Irises hold a soft spot in my heart. One I’ve carried with me from childhood and my memories from the home I grew up in until I was fourteen. We had an iris bed in the middle of a part of our yard that was in direct view from my upstairs bedroom window. I can still feel myself in my bedroom looking outside, across a section of our gravel driveway, to the yard with the circular flower bed filled with purple irises.

I reflect on what those feelings are. Fondness is the first word that enters my thoughts. I’m not sure if that word is one the adult in me has selected through reminiscing and the grace of time that gently places a veil of appreciation for the things childhood naivety thinks it has overlooked.  Or if it is a word the child in me picked with tiny hands that held tightly through all these years to a visual sight that had stamped my soul.

Maybe it is seeing purple irises that remind me of that same yard that held an apple tree with a limb shaped like an elbow, perfect for climbing and sitting on. How much fun it is to remember that love for trees I have now started when I used to look for the ones I could climb into and among their outstretched arms. The adult in me has tended to forget that it was something I loved to do as a child – climb trees!

Or perhaps it is as simple as the symbolism of the iris, which is wisdom, whispered to my heart all those years ago. As the seasons go, your understanding will grow. Unfold to the beauty that life will bring.

May your June unfold in breathtaking ways.

Namaste’

-Christine

The Creases Now Speak

Laura

Laura wasn’t sure if she sat in disbelief for several minutes or mere seconds before returning to the letter. Shock was still coursing through her body as she continued to read.

As for this girl in Vietnam. I was certain Mỹ wanted me to take her to the United States when I returned home. The only way I knew at the time I could do so was if I married her. I knew I didn’t care for her in that way. I also knew even if I married her long enough for her to get to safety, and we got an annulment or divorce once in the US, my dad would disown me. Donny had been killed in action in Vietnam. Dad’s hatred for anyone not WASP only intensified when Donny was killed. I wasn’t courageous enough to stand up to him even if it meant saving a life.

I don’t know if Mỹ survived the war. If she didn’t, I am to blame.

Why I write this to you before we say our vows is that I promise you I am going to do everything I possibly can to never let you down. I fear, though, that I will. From the moment I looked into your eyes, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life taking care of you, supporting your dreams, raising children with you, holding you, feeling safe every time I hear your voice and feel your touch, feeling free to be who I am with your unconditional acceptance and grace. I feel love like I’ve never experienced it until I met you. Because of you, I see the goodness and beauty in others. In life. Because of you, I look for how love is stronger than anything else. Wars born from hate eventually lose the fight. Love endures. Remains. I know because through the wars of countries and my father’s hatred, I have found your love.

I am going to apologize now for any times I hurt you, break your heart, and God forbid give you reason to feel you want to leave. I pray that if it happens that I hurt you, love will be stronger than my cowardness to be a better man.

You have been, you are and will always be my everything. Thank you for loving me as I am.”

All my heart,

Edward 

It took Laura a couple of days to process what she had read. When Abby asked her what she was feeling, Laura could only shake her head and say, “I don’t know.”    

Shock. Understanding. Anger. Empathy. Curiosity. Belonging. I have an aunt who is gay! Maybe instead of looking for Mỹ I should look for my aunt!

Josh had been texting Laura asking if she wanted him to go with her to see Edward. Laura had been feigning jet lag as her reason she wasn’t ready to go. She also didn’t know if she wanted Josh to be there when first seeing Edward since saying goodbye to her mom. She saw Edward in the hospital hallway then, but she didn’t talk to him. Just like she didn’t when she came home to say goodbye to Stephanie. She hadn’t talked to her dad since he said, “not under my roof” and she left the house before moving to the UK.

Four days after returning to the U.S., Laura decided to go see Edward. Abby offered to go with her. They decided Abby would stay in the lobby and be close by if Laura needed her. Laura didn’t tell Josh she was going. She needed to do this on her own.